Long distance relationship is not for everyone honestly. I wouldn’t advise anyone to go into one, but situation arises and if it happens, how do you make it work?
I have been in one, so I think I have enough experience to talk about it. It’s not easy; you have to mentally and emotionally prepare yourself for it. Especially if you think the significant other is worth it, and it has long-term benefits. Long distance relationship won’t work for you, if you’re just interested in the moment and if it’s not someone you see yourself getting married to. It takes a lot of effort from both parties to make it work, and if there’s no long-term plan or incentive in mind, at some point, it will fail. I mean, why would I invest time and money in a long distance relationship, if I’m looking for moment pleasures?
So you find yourself in a long distance relationship, how do you make it work?
1) Your mindset
First things first, before embarking on one, as well as before doing anything in life, you need to understand who you are. What are your interests/values, how do you handle emotions, are you looking for someone to complete you or are you complete as an individual.
What are you guys? Do both parties have a clear idea of the moment? Have you guys properly discussed you are in a relationship or is it just fantasies? Do you understand your partner and what you are getting into? Both of you need to be absolutely sure where you stand in your relationship, be open as much as possible about it. It must have a purpose or end goal. If one person along the line feels it’s temporary, it won’t work.
Where is the relationship going? Is there any mutual benefit, If you want to live together, you must learn how to live apart. You also need to understand that feelings build, and you definitely have to see physically at some point. I always had this at the back of my mind, if we will live together, we must learn how to live apart.
If you don’t have things defined, you are wasting time that could be done channeling it to someone or something else. If you have these clearly defined, stay positive and look at the end goal. If I didn’t feel the relationship was going somewhere, I wouldn’t even waste my time anyway.
2) Communicate effectively and consistently.
Communication is really important and crucial because that determines if the relationship would work or not. Experiencing life with your significant other is a key determinant to assess where your relationship is going. Life presents so many scenarios and you would want to know if this is someone you can spend the rest of your life with, by evaluating the way they handle or see life. Since you don’t see each other often, always try to keep in touch every day!!! If this person is really important, you would just want to know how their day went, any worries or things you can help them with. Be a support system. If it’s weak, one party will think they care more than the other and start slacking. Talk about your schedules, so you have a rough idea what the person is doing at every point in time so you don’t bring up wrong expectations. I know there might be time difference and all, but if you really value that relationship, both parties need to put in work and make the extra effort. Skype, text and understand each other communication patterns.
If you don’t have trust and honesty, the relationship won’t last.especially when paranoia sets in. “Is (s)he flirting with others?”. Questions like that get you worried and weaken your bond with your partner. Trust is really important for a long distance relationship. If your having doubts, don’t trust each other, sneaking around trying to find out information, looking for the last lady or guy who texted, monitoring his/her life more than you monitor yours, looking at his/her tweets, what pictures he/she is looking at on Instagram or Facebook…. all these certainly won’t help and leaves no room for trust to thrive.
These are three basics every long distance relationship must have. I will write on four more points in my next post, Surviving Long Distance Relationship 2, so watch out for that. I didn’t want to talk about everything in one post because it would have been long. I hope this helps you if you are in one, and if you aren’t, who knows, you might just find yourself in one sometime.